Have you ever found yourself looking back and wishing for the “good ol’ days”? Or maybe you spend more time looking forward to something in the future?
I have always had the problem of “living in the future”. If I am going through something difficult (finishing up college, for example) then I will tell myself to just “get through it”. I then get so caught up in the “just get though it” mindset that I don’t enjoy life in the moment. Does this sound familiar at all to you, or am I just crazy? It could very well be a possibility. 😉
I soon found myself thinking this way when my son was a newborn. I was beyond overjoyed when he was born that I could FINALLY snuggle and smell that wiggly baby who I had carried for 9 months. But it was hard. I was exhausted, I didn’t know when the last time I had showered, breastfeeding was extremely painful, and we were practically drowning in laundry. So I found myself thinking one morning around 3:00 that if I can just “get through it” then soon it will all be over.
It will all be over.
Did I just think that? I was shocked that I had allowed myself to think that thought about my current situation in life and I suddenly realized that I didn’t want to think that way. It had been my dream to have a child and now my dream had come true! And I was sitting there wishing for it to quickly pass by so I could get some sleep!?
(One of the very first lessons I learned as a new mama was that I am EXTREMELY selfish!)
I soon finished nursing my son; I put him back in his little bassinet and crawled back into bed. That morning, I woke up and I was determined to change my thinking.
And I did!
I was glad for the fact that I was exhausted because that meant that my son was finally here and he was a healthy eater!
I grabbed myself a bottle of dry shampoo and perfected the messy topknot.
I enjoyed the smell of freshly washed baby clothes and smiled as I folded the unbelievably small pants.
I played some lullabies and actually sat and rocked my son to sleep.
I sat there and held him a little longer, taking the time to smell his head and admire his little lips and chubby cheeks.
I pushed the thought out of my mind that there was so much to do so I should lay him down so I can get to work (probably doing more laundry…or washing dishes). I didn’t want my son to be an inconvenience or a distraction from my life because he was the reason I was doing all of it! He was the most important thing! There will always be dishes and more laundry.
But he will only be little once and I did not want to spend another second wishing that away!
So yes, I do still nurse and rock him to sleep for his naps and at night. After all, he is only one year old (news flash: that’s still pretty little!). I take the time to snuggle him and enjoy his sleepy smiles. I am not in a hurry to rush him to grow up! I want to enjoy each second of him being little.
Now if you will excuse me, he is just waking up from his nap and I plan to rush in and get as many sleepy cuddles as possible before he wants me to put him down so he can go play.