I thought I would write my first post on being a mom. Warning, it is a bit scrambled and I probably jump around a bit…but I still wanted to post this “as is” because it somewhat symbolizes how crazy motherhood is.
Being a mom…
Being a mom is terrifying. It can be painful at times. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It has made me question so many things that I thought I knew before. It is EXTREMELY time consuming. It is scary, frightening…(have I mentioned terrifying…)
Yet, at the same time, being a mom is amazing! It has shown me so much about my husband and myself. It has brought us closer together (there is seriously nothing better than seeing how much your husband loves your child!) Being a mother is something that I have always known that I wanted to be. There is nothing that can prepare you for motherhood other than being a mom. (Trust me, I read a TON of books before he arrived, I even kept one of them on the coffee table for 3-4 months after he was born to look back on). It is the hardest yet most rewarding thing I have ever experienced…and I’m not even a whole year in!
I have been a mother for a little over 11 months now, so I don’t have much experience, but I do have some. Being a mom has shown me so many things about myself.
The thing that sticks out the most is that I am extremely selfish. I had no idea how selfish I was until I have a tiny human being who was demanding all of my attention (practically 24/7).
I enjoy sleeping in, and having a quiet morning sipping coffee and reading blogs. I like being able to stay up as late as I want and go to bed knowing I can get a full night sleep. I like being able to take the time to do my hair and makeup in the mornings. I enjoy eating sitting down at a table and not having to hide what I am eating so I don’t have to share with someone else. Having a child makes many of these things difficult, but oh so worth it!
Anyway, in the 11 plus months that I have been a mother, I have learned a lot.
I have learned that motherhood is the hardest thing I have ever done! (The delivery was difficult, but I had many people there coaching me though it; nurses, midwife, doula, my mom, and my amazing husband who never left my side).
It’s not that I didn’t have any help once I got home, (I have such an awesome husband and family who would drop anything to help me) but it’s different.
We were released from the hospital in the morning, so we had the rest of the day at home with our son and I remember we put him in his crib shortly after we got home. I remember standing there with my husband (after we took about 5,000 pictures because he was so cute and tiny in his ginormous crib) and all I remember thinking is, now what?
I remember being afraid to feed him because I knew it was going to HURT! It would literally take me up to 30 minutes to latch him, but I would do it because he needed to eat. (It was my goal to breastfeed and, well, we didn’t even have any formula in the house, so he HAD to latch on and eat. I am so SO glad that I stuck with breastfeeding because it has been so worth it!)
I remember visiting my cousin (who had a son 5 months before my son was born) when my son was a few months old and she asked me a question that I haven’t forgotten. She asked, “So, is parenting harder than anything you ever imagined or than anyone ever told you?” My reply was a very quick “YES!”
BUT, motherhood is also the BEST thing I have ever done! Seeing him smile at me when I walk into his room is AMAZING! When I hear him cry, I know that he needs ME to comfort him and stop his tears, and it is the best feeling that he needs ME. (It is so hard to hear him cry, but those tears just remind me that I am needed. He needs me to feed him, to hold him, to rock him, to comfort him) I have never been so excited and proud in my life than when he first learned how to roll over, or sit up, or pull himself up, or take his first steps on his own!
Even though being a mom can be so difficult at times, it is also so exciting and rewarding.
Being a mom is my calling!
with love, Sheila